Picture this. Rose petals adorably scattered on the floor by little children, church festively decorated in shades of red (the color of love), and the sounds of “Can you feel the love tonight” (by Elton John) playing in the background. Then finally, 15 minutes past schedule, the groom emerges from one side of the church, and the bride appears from the opposite side of the church… all rise! …“What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

[Insert the sound of the needle abruptly being
ripped from the record here...]

That was the scene I witnessed nearly 6 weeks ago when I blogged about a wedding I attended.

Saturday, March 29, 2008: I just got back from attending the wedding of my neighbor’s daughter. It was at a church. Not unusual in and of itself, but this was the “whole enchilada”–complete with a long diatribe on what marriage is, and is not. It was a real sermon I tell you! I was looking around at the wedding party who were all looking a little weary. I think they wanted to get to the good stuff! Anyway, the pastor clearly was outlining the very specific “Christian” point of marriage (pretty much the “party line” we are hearing from conservative politicians). That marriage is “not a legal or civil contract,” rather it is solely a “religious covenant.” I’ve know the couple who were getting married for several years… this sermon didn’t seem like their bag (they’ve lived together for years and already have a kid)… and I know it was not mine! I’ve been in churches all my life and been to countless weddings, but this… this is a new day in our world. It is like they need every opportunity to verbally protect “traditional marriage.“

What does “sanctity” mean anyway? One definition is “holiness: the quality of being holy.” And at the wedding described above, the “traditional, biblical, holy, ‘one man+one woman’ marriage” was definitely “preached” (almost like a PSA)!

Well, so much for the “one man+one woman=marriage” success formula.

After barely 6 weeks, this one ended in a train wreck!

I listened in shock yesterday as the twenty-something woman told me that she and her 2 year old son were “kicked out” by her new husband, and that the marriage was already over and she and her son were once again living with mom and dad.

This example strikes me as the type of cause that “Concerned Oregonians“ (and the 700 Club) ought to be taking up, campaigning for, working to prevent–instead of feverishly protecting “sanctity of Marriage” from committed, loving, stable same-sex couples! Committed same-sex couples are not the ones who are jeopardizing marriage (as the ADF characterizes it in its newest campaign to thwart same-sex marriage in California). I mean honestly, in Oregon a young person must log 100 hours of driving skill building time before they are allowed to apply for a driver’s license. Maybe, just maybe, a young couple ought to be required to log a certain amount of “relational skill building hours” before they are allowed to apply for the much protected, sacred marriage license.

If the “institution” of marriage ever closes its proverbial doors for good in our society… it will not have been because same-sex couples were or were not allowed to partake in the rite.

My home state of California has super news today as the California Supreme Court legalizes same-sex marriage!! More official news and specifics regarding this wonderful and landmark decision here, here and here.

I was wondering how long it would be until this hit the radar of the ADF, and it already has. The ADF is handling the California victory similar to the way ADF has handled our equality laws here in Oregon. How long until some other anti-gay group decides they are going to file an initiative to put the whole issue to a vote in November? Who knows! But as we here in Oregon wait 49 more days to find out whether our Domestic Partnership Law is put to a vote in November, I know we are still celebrating for our neighbors in California!

I really like how this blogger puts it:

“I understand there are those who will want to take this away. I also understand that Bush will most likely use this to regroup his party. However, for the moment. I am going to smile about it.

domestic partnership

Marriage & Relationship Recognition

GLBT

I am always grateful for the updates from Just Out Blog. Today they bring us a Repeal Watch update. We are now at 50 days remaining for the anti-gay groups to gather enough signatures to put our equality laws to a vote (the Oregon Family Fairness Act and the Oregon Equality Act). The hitch for the anti-gay groups is that the initiatives 144 and 145 are held up in the appeals process–which is what is anticipated for IP 146 also–so they have not yet begun circulating petitions.

From Blog Out:

“…Concerned Oregonians leadership continues to rally its troops in anticipation of their circulation of anti-equality ballot initiative petitions across the State.

But while two of those initiatives (IP 144 and IP 145) are held up in an appeals process to the Oregon Supreme Court and a third (IP 146) has been issued a final ballot title and is awaiting possible appeal action from the American Civil Liberties Union and Basic Rights Oregon, Concerned Oregonians’ organizing and fundraising momentum continues to build behind-the-scenes steam, according to sources close to the organization.

Though it is likely that the organization may only have the time to circulate IP 145 - an initiative to repeal the Oregon Equality Act, a new anti-discrimination law providing protections for sexual orientation and gender identify - the amount of time to circulate that petition may be as brief as a few weeks, pending a decision from the Oregon Supreme Court on that ballot initiative.” [...]

Blog Out also included an email from one of the anti-gay “hub leaders” in which she updates readers on the status of their initiatives, and urges followers forward stating that they are in a “in a battle for the moral high ground in Oregon.”

It caught my eye that this hub leader characterized the Oregon Equality act as “minority status for sexual orientation.” I don’t believe that is what individuals are looking for. I know I am just hoping to not be denied housing or lose a job solely based upon sexual orientation.

The battle indeed presses on in Oregon, but I am not sure it is for “moral high ground” as much as for equality and protection for all law-abiding Oregon citizens.

Never heard that term before? I had not either before stumbling upon this blog today: A Wonderful Journey. After reading a few posts I settled on the one titled “homohysteria.” Good stuff! I remember trying to explain to friends from my former life–after coming out–that all my time as their friend was not a covert operation to “get them into bed.” What is all this fear about anyway? Here is an excerpt from this author’s post.

“I call this homohysteria. That is all it is. People get scared of what they don’t know and how can they know homosexuality if they are straight? That would be like asking me to know what it is like to grow up in the inner city. I can’t, I have never experienced it. That doesn’t mean that I fear anyone who did. It just means that I don’t have a personal reference to completely understand.

So maybe I am wrong, but this is my thinking on how homohysteria plays out.

1. I am not gay and cannot understand the attraction.

2. If I can’t understand then it must be something bad.

3. If it is bad then I need to fear it.

4. If I am afraid of it then it must be able to hurt me.

5. If it can hurt me then I must protect myself by striking first.

Okay, first off if you are not gay, I am not asking you to be. I am not trying to change anyone. I am not trying to switch you to my team. You are straight, hey that is fine with me. If you are straight then you can’t understand being gay. But then again I can’t understand liking chocolate better than vanilla, being left handed, enjoying S&M behaviors, hating poetry, or even growing up in the inner city. Just because I can’t understand (or maybe the better word is know), doesn’t mean that I have to judge you or be afraid of you. All I ask is the same consideration.

If I don’t understand something doesn’t mean I have to be afraid of it. And if I am afraid of something doesn’t mean that it will hurt me.”

Click here to catch the entire article.

One of the fun new changes I’ve discovered with WordPress is that you know how people found you and from where they clicked. I was intrigued by one of yesterday’s incoming clicks and followed it. It was a blogger who accidentally stumbled on my “Top reasons I am glad I am a lesbian” posts. She was a heterosexual, and did not find any humor in my personal musings contrasting my former life with my much preferred current pairing–supposing that I was merely “man bashing.” Well, my “disclaimer” may not have done enough to communicate that my purpose was not “man bashing,” but the bottom line is the “top reasons” are my experiences from 3 decades in church and a decade and a half married to a “fundie” (one commenter’s term.. and I loved it!). That stuff is a reality out there! Of course, I am grateful that not all men (or women) may fall into a particular mold!

Shortly after that stop, today I ran across this “Heterosexual Questionnaire” that originated in 1972 “to put heterosexual people in the shoes of a gay person for just a moment. Questions and assumptions made of Gays and Lesbians that are unfair, are reversed and this time asked to the straight people.” The “disclaimer” on the survey was “This is a fun survey, but also an activist survey…”

I thought it was a good tie-in to help illustrate the gulf that can exist between gay world and straight world.

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and where did you decide you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible this is just a phase and you will out grow it?

4. Is it possible that your sexual orientation has stemmed from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

5. Do your parents know you are straight? Do your friends know- how did they react?

6. If you have never slept with a person of the same sex, is it just possible that all you need is a good gay lover?

7. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality… can’t you just be who you are and keep it quiet?

8. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

9. Why do heterosexuals try to recruit others into this lifestyle?

10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual… Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual teachers?

11. Just what do men and women do in bed together? How can they truly know how to please each other, being so anatomically different?

12. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

13. How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality?

14. Considering the menace of overpopulation how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual?

15. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don’t you feel that he or she might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his or her leanings?

16. There seem to very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to.

17. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?

(Questionnaire by Martin Rochlin, Ph.D., 1972)

Found another version of this same Questionnaire here, it has 22 questions instead of 17 (5 differing one’s in addition to these).

“Top 100 reasons I am glad I am a lesbian”—
Part 3:

My personal “top 100” reasons continued…

51. My partner knows when I need to be held. *(thank you for reminding me!)

52. My ideas, wisdom and contributions are respected now.

53. No more sleeping in the wet spot.

54. When dining out my partner is engaged in conversation with me instead of irritating the wait staff.

55. I am loved for exactly who I am, not a modified version of me.

56. Foreplay!

57. I’m not a second class citizen to my partner because of “male privilege” or biblical usurpations.

58. Emotional intimacy.

59. Hips

60. I no longer have to fantasize about what it would be like to be with a woman.

61. No more asking “permission” in every aspect of my life.

62. Digital ministrations…

63. Gender does not, by default, equal “authority.”

64. My breasts are no longer simply “radio dials.”

65. Cleanliness.

66. Giving her pleasure can be satisfaction enough.

67. No one is pitchin’ a tent in my bed.

68. Thighs

69. <— The number says it all!

70. Power tools take on a whole new meaning.

71. Sometimes a “quickie” can be all about me.

72. Eyes open when we’re doin’ it.

73. Our value to each other is beyond mere earning potential.

74. My lover just “gets it.”

75. I am no longer in a “threesome”: me, a man and his ego.

For my “Disclaimer” or for the 1st 25 “reasons” click here for “part 1.” For the 2nd 25 “reasons” click here for part 2.

GLBT

YEAH!! I passed the first 1,000 visitors in the new land of the “Bridges” blog!

I have to admit, I am liking my new blog home a lot. Took me a bit to get used to some things, but I am enjoying the changes now!

Thanks for hangin’ with me!

I found the below funnies at this link. I found myself chuckling out loud at several of these! Some clever folks thought these up.

These are 10 commonly asked questions of lesbians and the answers you’ll rarely hear:

1. What exactly, do two women do together? (Usually asked by a woman)

A. “It takes too long to explain. A lesbian quickie lasts hours. We lay there and discuss politics until we figure it out. But if you like I’ll show you. How about this evening at six? “

2. Which one of you is the man? (Usually asked by a man)

A. We’re lesbian, not confused. Look it up!

3. What do your parents think about it?

A. They weren’t exactly tickled lavender

4. Do you face any discrimination because you’re — “that way”?

A. None. The lesbian movement is a bodily function that involves the expulsion of our reproductive organs

5. Why are you a lesbian?

A. Let me show you a picture of my girlfriend

6. Did anything in your childhood affect your choice?

A. Definitely. There was a cute little redhead in my nursery school that I used to take naps with…

7. Why do you have to tell everyone?

A. I have a P.C. quota to meet

8. Is one of you “butch” and the other “femme”?

A. Yes, but we trade off every time we roll over (Yeah! )

9. Do you plan to have children?

A. We’re trying! (Wink-wink, nudge-nudge, know what I mean, know what I mean!)

10. But wouldn’t you want your children to be straight?

A. And miss the opportunity to be interrogated by the next generation of psych majors?

We found this in our local paper, and it made us chuckle enough that we keep in on our refrigerator.

“Unwanted relatives”? Hmm… she said.

Just some random humor for Friday.

Thankfully, Just Out Blog is keeping their ear to the ground for the rest of us with their “Repeal Watch”–monitoring the progress of anti-gay groups efforts to repeal Oregon’s equality laws: the Oregon Family Fairness Act and the Oregon Equality Act. The individuals behind the repeal efforts have 56 days left to raise enough money and gather enough signatures to meet their deadlines and requirements.

But, Oregon is not out of the woods yet… from Blog Out:

“The clock of fate ticks ever louder for “Concerned Oregonians.”

The anti-equality political action committee behind three currently filed petition initiatives designed to repeal the Oregon Family Fairness Act and the Oregon Equality Act continues to wait out an ever-narrowing window of opportunity to jumpstart their petition drives.

The first two filed repeal initiatives - IP 144 and IP 145 - are held up in an appeals process to the Oregon Supreme Court, and the third, IP 146, has just received a final ballot title from Oregon Attorney General Hardy Myers, though it is likely that final ballot title will also be appealed to the state Supreme Court, further holding up the petitioning process. Petitions cannot begin circulating for the initiatives until final decisions from the Oregon Supreme Court have been handed down on those appeals.

After a passioned e-mail plea to supporters sent April 24 from Concerned Oregonians founding father David Crowe - in which Crowe stated that the organization needed to raise $25,000 by May 1 and an additional $50,000 by June 1 in order to adequately support their initiative endeavors - the organization received a flurry of donations.

But the total received between Crowe’s appeal and May 2 fell far short of their stated goal, with only $3,705 in new donations coming in to the organization. Of that amount, only two individuals came in at the maximum donor level of $500… According to records with the Secretary of State Elections Division, this still leaves the organization $2,623.54 in the red.

In spite of these setbacks, there are signs that Concerned Oregonians is preparing for a brutally short signatures fight as soon as the petitions are approved. The organization has identified 27 churches, businesses and individual community leaders eager to spearhead petition drives in hubs around the state, and continues to solicit additional volunteer assistance through various “hub leaders” in cities like Astoria, Beaverton, Medford and Pendleton.

Whether that relatively small, but continually growing, assemblage of statewide anti-equality cohorts can churn out 82,769 valid signatures by July 3 for any petition once approved is, for now, an open question.

Beginning this week, Just Out will be starting a regular series both on Blog Out and in the Just Out street edition called “Behind The Curtain,” shining a light on the individuals, businesses and churches involved in organizing and fundraising for the current repeal initiatives. Check back in frequently as the series gets started.”

domestic partnership

Marriage & Relationship Recognition

GLBT

Why are you gay?

I usually like to post humorous musings about “why” I am gay, but I can’t resist sharing this more serious article on “Why are you gay?” I found this today at Grace Unfolding, written by Anita.
I have been reading Anita’s writings off and on since about 2001 when I found her site under a search for “Christian Lesbian.” I was on the “sisterfriends” mailing list for years, and the things she wrote about were a lifeline of hope through darker years of working through the process of reconciling my sexuality with my spirituality. She was often the single voice of encouragement among the din of condemnation and “abomination” proclamations around me. Her writing, it seems to me, has evolved over time along her journey. I, too, have evolved on my journey of letting grace unfold for me, and over me. I am ever more ready to receive these truths and let go of the long programmed “Christian dogma” of my youth.

I know that I have recited about 5 of those 7 “reasons” myself through the years!
I’ll share part of her article here, with a link to read the entire post by Anita over at Grace Unfolding: SisterFriends Together

“What’s the first answer that comes to your mind?

• I’m being tested by God to see if I’ll remain obedient and faithful.
• I’m being tempted by the enemy who wants to destroy me.
• I was born with a defect in my personality or a genetic flaw.
• Something happened to me in my childhood.
• I gave into sin because I was spiritually weak.
• I was just born gay.
• I’m not really gay. I only fell in love with a woman.

Depending on where you are in the reconciliation process your answer to the question might be different today than it was last week or last month, and different than it might be a year from now. At some point early on in my own experience I tried them all on for size, sometimes all at once which made for some really crazy and confusing thinking and if these uncertain answers shared any common thread it was this, that the bottom line reason for why I was gay came down to being my fault. It was my choice, my weakness, my genetic makeup, my quirky predisposition, my sin.

In time I came to understand and accept that just as there exists indisputable diversity among our physical bodies, our emotional responses and our intellectual processes, it would then only reason that there are variances in human sexuality and how that sexuality was expressed from person to person. Homosexuality, heterosexuality, and bisexuality were then just separate points on the sexuality continuum. Simply put, God could have made all flowers on earth roses, but instead for no reason other than for the sake of beauty and for His enjoyment and glory, God splashed creation with a variety of flowers that number in the millions. And trees and birds and fish and fruit and on and on and on, so that it was no longer such a stretch to see that I was gay for no reason other than God’s an artistic genius and I’m one of God’s one-of-a-kind creations. As you are, perhaps for no more or less reason than for the sake of beauty and for God’s enjoyment and glory. Oh how God enjoys and glories in you!

So then, we’re gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered not by mistake or by sin, but this is who we are because we represent little pieces in the unique diversity of God’s creation, and for a season in my life that was my answer to the question, but I’ve come to another explanation. I want to suggest it goes further that God’s diversity of creation. Much further. And this is what I truly, absolutely, without hesitation or question believe.

I believe we are who we are and that we love who we love, because it’s by God’s design and for God’s purpose we’re the gay and lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people of God. This is our divine calling; a holy vocation. This is the very way in which God wants us to live in the world and engage with the world, to be queer folks living out the Good News of Christ in wholeness and truth.

When we can receive our sexual orientation or gender identity as God’s calling, it changes everything. No longer is this just my burden to carry through my life but this is a gift that’s been entrusted to me, a gift I’m called to share with the world.” … (continued at this link…)

PS– check out Anita’s “challenge” at the bottom of her post…

GLBT

I found the below at this link. See how you do at matching up the terms with the definitions. Pretty funny stuff!

“In our culture, it used to be that a woman was either gay or she wasn’t. Nowadays we have so many words to describe ourselves; it would take a task force of PhDs in queer vernacular of the day, or a very skilled clairvoyant to decipher them all.”

Match the following concepts with their definitions listed below.

_ born to be a lesbian

_ converted lesbian

_ lesbian by choice

_ bisexual

_ transsexual

_ fluid sexual identity

a) a former heterosexual who finally admitted her disillusionment, dumped her husband & became a lesbian

b) a woman who possesses the yet to be found lesbian gene

c) only her surgeon knows for sure

d) a woman who has experimented with both males & females before deciding on the better sex

e) a free spirit who wants her (beef) cake and Edith, Suzie, Mary and other females too.

GLBT

“Top 100 reasons I am glad I am a lesbian”—Part 2:

My personal “top 100″ reasons continued…

26. OK, I’ll say it, two words: comfortable shoes!

27. Softness.

28. I respect my partner now.

29. My partner isn’t ogling other women.

30. Nurtured when I am sick.

31. Smoothness.

32. Not having to worry about getting pregnant.

33. Are you kidding? She is hot!

34. Relationship is egalitarian not dictatorial.

35. OK, how bout a simpler reason: I get to use the remote!

36. Making love happens after I get in the room.

37. The curves…

38. No finding used condoms on the floor.

39. My partner doesn’t go to the store un-showered and in sweats.

40. I don’t always have to be the “designated driver.”

41. My partner is not always and automatically “right.”

42. Flowers and other romantic gestures (on other days besides Valentine’s Day).

43. Finesse in the art of lovemaking.

44. No stubble burn when kissing my partner.

45. The feminine touch…

46. I can still breathe when she kisses me.

47. Breasts!

48. She prefers my company to that of a video game.

49. If my partner is hungry, she just makes herself something to eat.

50. Sex is mutually satisfying.

For my “Disclaimer” or for the 1st 25 “reasons” click here for “part 1.”

GLBT

Ok, I know, “who cares” right? And the latest season of the L Word is over now, right?

But I had a little question as I watched Season 5 of the L Word. I didn’t happen to run across anyone else asking or answering that question during my VERY limited travels through episode recaps on Lesbian Life on About.com. Anyway, I stumbled on the answer today while watching an “On Demand” feature (Showtime) about the L Word.

My question: was the woman who played the character “Molly” the real-life daughter of the woman who played “Phyllis”?

Answer? Yes! “Molly” was played by Clementine Ford, Cybill Shepherd’s daughter. There, so my tiny burning question was answered.

GLBT