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8 things that unraveled Jon and Kate

I have to admit that I had never even heard of Jon and Kate before the summer’s tabloid frenzy over Jon and Kate and their 8 children. Thanks to the magic of a DVR and summer reruns I have become acquainted with Jon and Kate plus 8 over the last couple months.

I was curious how such a unique family started, survived so much together… and yet were now unraveling in front of millions.

How did Jon and Kate get from this…

… to this?

Probably much the way any other couple would (or maybe with a little help from all these anonymous women in the pool… but I digress…)

I am not Dr. Phil, or Dr. Ruth, or Dr. Joyce Brothers. I’m simply one person who has loved and lost–been married and divorced, been in a traditional union and a not-so-traditional union.

Here are 8 things that I believe can unravel even the strongest union (in no particular order):

1. Nitpicking- that is different than having an honest disagreement. Nitpicking really wears on a love.
2. Controlling- Attempts to control one’s lover are counterproductive. Not only will controlling behavior erode love, but  it is futile. We can really only control ourselves (or at least try).
3. Neglect- whether forgetting to remember all the little things that helped you both fall in love in the first place, or worse–neglect damages love.
4. Contempt- you can see contempt by the faces one might make at another, or tone of voice used with one another, or even in body language between two people.
5. Criticism- especially in front of other people or the children.
6. Ignoring- whether it is ignoring a request to take out the trash, or a request to simply be heard or receive love.
7. Infidelity or even indifference. Whether one person is actually seeking out another person intimately, or one partner has basically physically or emotionally “checked out” of the love… it kills the intimacy–which is an important glue in love.
8. Defensiveness- no one is perfect, clearly there will be conflict in any relationship. How conflicts are handled can either build bridges of closeness or burn them.

Lasting love takes a lot more than luck.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

9/23/09 UPDATE: on Jon & Kate and their debacle.

What side would you choose?

Here’s the AOL poll…

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No roses for “best friends”!

It’s true folks. This season’s Bachelor Jason Mesnick is not looking for a buddy… he is looking for passion! Wait, where have I heard that before… could it be here?

This week the Bachelor whisked the 3 remaining ladies off to New Zealand for their big overnight dates in the “Fantasy Suites.” They all (Jillian, Melissa and Molly) look pretty happy there… but one of them would soon be leaving “broken-hearted” in a limo.

The dates all seemed pretty status quo–except for Jason’s commentary regarding Jillian’s belief that the most important part of a relationship is for the couple to be “best friends.” One could easily tell that this was way far apart from Jason’s primary agenda. Although, their hot tub scene seemed pretty passionate to onlookers.

Alas, Jillian grabbing Jason’s butt in the hot tub was for naught! Jason sent her packing. Remember Jillian? She was the one who could tell volumes about a man by what they put on their hot dog. Hmm… guess she won’t get anymore inside scoop on Jason’s hot dog!

Update: (2/19) Jillian was on Ellen yesterday and Ellen made the same comments regarding the “passion” piece as I did. If what went on in the hot tub wasn’t passion… what IS? 🙂

I am a little surprised that Jason kept Molly and Melissa over Jillian. Molly seems a little too emotionally cut-off for what Jason has voiced as his expectations. And when it comes to Melissa, the issue of not having been able to meet her parents kept coming up. No one knows.

Remember to vote here for who you think Jason is going to choose. Any closer to narrowing it down yet?

Also don’t forget to factor in DeAnna–who should finally make her appearance next time. Nothing like the producers of the show waiting until the last minute! What are the chances that DeAnna just happens to be in New Zealand? I’m still thinking it is more of a publicity stunt or a “beware of TV engagements” warning than her asking for another chance with Jason. I could be wrong… I have been before! 😉

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