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Well, President Obama recently made good on a promise to the LGBT community. Did he repeal D.A.D.T.? No. Did he repeal D.O.M.A.? No. What did he do?

He ordered hospital visitation rights for gay and lesbian couples. When did he pledge to grant this “right”? Well, it may have been more than one instance, but I remember it from Brian Williams’ interview with Obama on NBC tonight “Inside the White House.” That was the interview where the President skirted around what issues he would take up for LGBT Americans and offered the carrot of being able to visit their partner in the hospital.

I’m not sure I had ever given that “right” much thought until I had seen the movie “If These Walls Could Talk 2.” Near the end of the first vignette one partner has taken her partner to the hospital. She waits quite a while–having heard no news–then asks to see her “friend.” The nurse tells her that “only family members are allowed.” She tells the nurse she is going to stay right there in the waiting room, and asks the staff to let her know if anything changes in the condition of her “friend.” I’ll let you watch the clip from the movie to see what happens the next morning.

Suffice it to say, I see the immeasurable value of being allowed to visit one’s partner in the hospital–and I am grateful our President has taken this step. However, experience has shown that this “order” alone is not enough. In Oregon when the governor made domestic partnerships law including all the “rights afforded to marriage,” gay and lesbian couples found that they still had to prove their connection when trying to see their partner at the hospital. Can you imagine any straight man and any woman going to the hospital and being asked to see the marriage license before being allowed to see the person they stated was their husband or wife?

Yes, this is an important first step the President has taken. But many more steps are still to be walked on the path toward LGBT relationship recognition and equality in America.

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One distressing thing is the way men react to women who assert their equality: their ultimate weapon is to call them unfeminine. They think she is anti-male; they even whisper that she’s probably a lesbian.
Shirley Chisholm

I became a lesbian because of women, because women are beautiful, strong, and compassionate.
Rita Mae Brown

Some women can’t say the word lesbian… even when their mouth is full of one.
Kate Clinton

Everyone is their own kind of lesbian. To think there’s a certain way to dress or present yourself in the world is just one more stereotype we have to fit into.
Portia de Rossi

I am a writer who happens to love women. I am not a lesbian who happens to write.
Jeanette Winterson

Gay and lesbian people fall in love. We settle down. We commit our lives to one another. We raise our children. We protect them. We try to be good citizens.
California Sen. Sheila Kuehl



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My Mom used to say: “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” I am pretty sure my brothers and I were thinking that we had no interest in flies either way! As I got older I obviously understood what my Mom was trying to convey.

The vinegar way could be restated as: how to lose friends and alienate people. Or, how to lose good workers and alienate the one’s who may have to stay. Or, how to lose privileges and alienate parents. Conversely the honey way may look something like: “how to get more productivity out of your employees” or “how to get what you want out of your parents.”

The below thoughts can apply to the work place as well as the home. How can you get more loyalty and productivity out of your employees? How can you get more of what you want out of your parents? It’s your lucky day, I am about to tell you!

Whether it is the work situation or the home front something is present that should not be there, and something is missing that needs to be there. In both cases the thing that should not be there is the sense of entitlement. Again, in both cases the thing that should be there that is missing is respect.

In the workplace: increased entitlement equals decreased productivity. Decreased respect equals decreased morale. Both of those can lead to apathy and a high turn over rate. When an employer feels entitled to exact their “pound of flesh” from their employees and treats them more than minions than the most valuable asset their company has — the end result is much less productivity. On the other hand, in an environment where people feel that they are more valuable than how sharp their nose is at the old grindstone, loyalty and productivity increase.

In the home: increased entitlement equals decreased connectivity. Decreased respect equals increased friction and decreased privileges. Any of you who are parents think of it this way. The more children treat you like maids, cooks, chauffeurs — likely the less you would be motivated to facilitate their demands.

What is the remedy in both situations? Gratitude! Gratitude is the opposite of entitlement. Gratitude is the opposite of complacency. Gratitude greases the wheels of requests. Gratitude can determine altitude. Or once again, more simply stated: “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” See Mom? I was listening!

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Groovy! Kelly left me a comment letting me know:

Your blog has been nominated in the Best Lesbian Personal Blog category for a Lezzy Award. The Lezzy Awards are an all lesbian blog award hosted by The Lesbian Lifestyle Blog.

Pretty cool.

My blog is nominated. What do I do next?: First off congratulations! Now you’ll want to promote more nominations to try and make it to the top 3 nominated blogs in your category.

Here are the rules for the voting:

How do the nominations work: The nomination system will allow you to nominate 1 blog per category. You will be able to nominate your favorite blogs once every 24 hours. You will nominate the blogs of your choice by adding the URL, not the title/name of the blog to the nomination field. Nominations will last from February 15-22 at 12:00 am EDT. The top 3 nominated blogs will then go on to the final voting round which will begin on February 22nd at 12:00 pm EDT.

How voting works: As with nominations you will be allowed 1 vote per category within a 24 hour period. This is being tracked by email accounts so that more than one person can vote from the same computer/IP address. Voting will go from February 22 at 12:00 am EDT to March 2 at 12:00 am EDT. Votes will be tallied and the winners of all 11 categories will be announced on Wednesday March 3rd live on The Lesbian Lounge Podcast.

Why are these the 2009 Lezzy Awards and not the 2010 Lezzy Awards?: The awards are handed out at the beginning of each new year for the previous years activities. Thus the awards given out in 2010 are for a blogs performance in 2009.

If you have any questions or have any concerns with the nomination or voting system please contact TLL’s Managing Editor.

Note: My blog has been nominated in the “Personal” category.


Make sure to click the link in the nomination email you will receive in order for your nominations to count.


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With so much love and so many things to be grateful for… on this “day of love” — Valentine’s Day… How could I ask for more?

“There’s nothing like the warmth of a summer afternoon
Waking to the sunlight, and being cradled by the moon
Catching fireflies at night
Building castles in the sand
Kissing Mama’s face goodnight
Holding Daddy’s hand
Thank you Lord, how could I ask for more

Running barefoot through the grass
A little hide and go seek
Being so in love, that you can hardly eat
Dancing in the dark, when there’s no one else around
Being bundled ‘neath the covers, watching snow
Fall to the ground
Thank you Lord, how could I ask for more

So many things I thought would bring me happiness
Some dreams that are realities today
Such an irony the things that mean the most to me
Are the memories that I’ve made along the way

So if there’s anything I’ve learned
From this journey I am on
Simple truths will keep you going
Simple love will keep you strong
Cause there are questions without answers
Flames that never die
Heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise
So thank you Lord, oh thank you Lord
How could I ask for more.” (Cindy Morgan)


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