Archive for September 2nd, 2009

So maybe I can get some cookies fortune… that would be cool.


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I have to admit that I had never even heard of Jon and Kate before the summer’s tabloid frenzy over Jon and Kate and their 8 children. Thanks to the magic of a DVR and summer reruns I have become acquainted with Jon and Kate plus 8 over the last couple months.

I was curious how such a unique family started, survived so much together… and yet were now unraveling in front of millions.

How did Jon and Kate get from this


… to this?


Probably much the way any other couple would (or maybe with a little help from all these wtf_jonanonymous women in the pool… but I digress…)

I am not Dr. Phil, or Dr. Ruth, or Dr. Joyce Brothers. I’m simply one person who has loved and lost–been married and divorced, been in a traditional union and a not-so-traditional union.

Here are 8 things that I believe can unravel even the strongest union (in no particular order):

  1. Nitpicking- that is different than having an honest disagreement. Nitpicking really wears on a love.control
  2. Controlling- Attempts to control one’s lover are counterproductive. Not only will controlling behavior erode love, but  it is futile. We can really only control ourselves (or at least try).
  3. Neglect- whether forgetting to remember all the little things that helped you both fall in love in the first place, or worse–neglect damages love.
  4. Contempt- you can see contempt by the faces one might make at another, or tone of voice used with one another, or even in body language between two people.
  5. Criticism- especially in front of other people or the children.
  6. Ignoring- whether it is ignoring a request to take out the trash, or a request to simply be heard or receive love.heartonmend
  7. Infidelity or even indifference. Whether one person is actually seeking out another person intimately, or one partner has basically physically or emotionally “checked out” of the love… it kills the intimacy–which is an important glue in love.
  8. Defensiveness- no one is perfect, clearly there will be conflict in any relationship. How conflicts are handled can either build bridges of closeness or burn them.

lovecardsLasting love takes a lot more than luck.


9/23/09 UPDATE: on Jon & Kate and their debacle.

What side would you choose?

Here’s the AOL poll…


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