My Top 100 Reasons…

“My Top 100 reasons I am glad…”

These are my personal reasons why I am glad to be a happily partnered woman with a woman, and reasons why I am glad that I am no longer a discontentedly married heterosexual housewife. They are not meant in any way to be construed as “man bashing.” I am fully aware that things I describe in my “Top 100 Reasons” are likely not the experience of every lesbian, nor the experience of every woman who is with a man (or even married to a conservative Christian man–“a fundie”).

(“Disclaimers” continued at bottom…)

1. We BOTH wear the pants in the relationship (or sometimes no one is wearing the pants).
2. My partner is clean and smells good!
3. Sex is WAY better now! (That is probably the “official” #1).
4. We are both breadwinners.
5. We are both homemakers.
6. I don’t HAVE to wear dresses and heels or anything in particular to be “sexy.”
7. I don’t HAVE to grow my hair long.
8. I don’t HAVE to be “submissive” (you know what I mean).
9. Her hand just fits.
10. No back hair!
11. No trying to convince me that a “BJ” would benefit me because of the “protein.”
12. We BOTH get to initiate sex–whenever, wherever!
13. No more worrying about “you never know when it might go off.”
14. Her kisses are sweeter.
15. No hair in the sink.
16. We both get to be on top (or bottom) a.k.a.–no lazy participants!
17. No greasy hair and killer breath in the morning.
18. No more “tighty whity’s.”
19. No more shin lacerations from un-groomed feet.
20. Either of us drives.
21. Either of us holds the door.
22. Either of us pays the tab.
23. I have emotional and physical fidelity.
24. She hasn’t “let herself go.”
25. Neither of us claims to have exclusive knowledge and interpretation of God’s word.
26. OK, I’ll say it, two words: comfortable shoes!
27. Softness.
28. I respect my partner now.
29. My partner isn’t ogling other women.
30. Nurtured when I am sick.
31. Smoothness.
32. Not having to worry about getting pregnant.
33. Are you kidding? She is hot!
34. Relationship is egalitarian not dictatorial.
35. OK, how bout a simpler reason: I get to use the remote!
36. Making love happens after I get in the room.
37. The curves.
38. No finding used condoms on the floor.
39. My partner doesn’t go to the store un-showered and in sweats.
40. I don’t always have to be the “designated driver.”
41. My partner is not always and automatically “right.”
42. Flowers and other romantic gestures (on other days besides Valentine’s Day).
43. Finesse in the art of lovemaking
44. No stubble burn when kissing my partner.
45. The feminine touch.
46. I can still breathe when she kisses me.
47. Breasts!
48. She prefers my company to that of a video game.
49. If my partner is hungry, she just makes herself something to eat.
50. Sex is mutually satisfying.
51. My partner knows when I need to be held.
52. My ideas, wisdom and contributions are respected now.
53. No more sleeping in the wet spot.
54. When dining out my partner is engaged in conversation with me instead of irritating the wait staff.
55. I am loved for exactly who I am, not a modified version of me.
56. Foreplay!
57. I’m not a second class citizen to my partner because of “male privilege” or biblical usurpation.
58. Emotional intimacy.
59. Hips
60. I no longer have to fantasize about what it would be like to be with a woman.
61. No more asking “permission” in every aspect of my life.
62. Digital ministrations.
63. Gender does not, by default, equal “authority.”
64. My breasts are no longer simply “radio dials.”
65. Cleanliness.
66. Giving her pleasure can be satisfaction enough.
67. No one is pitchin’ a tent in my bed.
68. Thighs
69. <—…The number says it all!
70. Power tools take on a whole new meaning.
71. Sometimes a “quickie” can be all about me.
72. Eyes open when we’re doin’ it.
73. Our value to each other is beyond mere earning potential.
74. My lover just “gets it.”
75. I am no longer in a “threesome”: me, a man and his ego.
76. My partner expresses appreciation for all I do.
77. I get to choose my own political affiliation.
78. Slow dancing in the kitchen after dark… shirts optional.
79. OK, we can’t leave out good old “Home Depot” now can we?
80. The beautiful complexity of the female orgasm.
81. She is proud of me.
82. The “first time” didn’t hurt.
83. Less hierarchy and more harmony.
84. She is vocal about what she finds attractive about me.
85. We are bound by passion–not “tradition” (or “institution”).
86. She prefers my hair and nails shorter (honestly, I have better uses for the time previously spent on all that hair plus nail prep.).
87. Less about authority and more about authenticity.
88. More sex with (only) each other.
89. I just “get” all those love songs now!
90. We are both from the “same planet” (remember the old “Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus”?)
91. Doin’ it with the lights on!
92. She remembers our anniversary(s).
93. I don’t need to think about anyone else when I am “with” her.
94. We have stayed together because of devotion to each other, not because of “church sanction” (or fear of falling out of favor with a church).
95. Less competition and more compatibility.
96. I am a whole “one of two” joined with my partner instead of half “of one.”
97. Less entitlement and more encouragement.
98. She stands up for me.
99. If one mom is good, then two is better (for our kids)!
100. She restored my faith in love.

Bonus “reasons”:

• I have grown to be way more tolerant, less judgmental, more compassionate…
• No battles over “headship”
• No co-opting God into enforcing an unequal power differential
• No more watching my significant other adjust his “package”–HA!
• Nether of us has to wear a “gender straight jacket.”
• Her favorite outfit for me is faded blue jeans, a white blouse and no shoes.
• Autonomy…
• If she makes a mess she cleans it up right then. It’s not left for me to clean.
• Plus, in gay relationships…we can double our wardrobe. Can’t find anything in my closet? Hmm… I check hers!

Disclaimers Continued… Some of these “reasons” have been born out of me seeing a man somewhere in some context and then saying “reason #39.” Some of these reasons were born out of something that was expected of me or said to me in my former life, by my ex-husband or by other men in my life. Some are just because!

These are intended primarily to be funny and tongue in cheek (although some are rather serious) and mostly represent my personal experience as a woman and a lesbian, as well as my personal experiences as a woman who was previously with a (conservative christian) man.

And for all the men in my life: friends, acquaintances, brothers etc. you all know I wouldn’t trade ya! There are many men in my life that I love and appreciate! I am just glad not to be partnered with a man–hence my proclivity towards being partnered with a woman. Like I said, while some of my “reasons” are serious, many are intended to be mostly humorous. If you ended up here by accident and this type of humor isn’t your cup-o-tea, may I suggest “Joke of the day”?

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